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"Little Johnny" put a Post-A-Note to his Pillow that read:
"Dear Lord, Please send the Beautiful Snow to keep the Little Flowers warm through the Winter." After climbing
into his bed, "Little Johnny" confided to his Mommy: "I'm Fooling God, I really want the Snow so I can go Sledding
with My new Sled."
"Little Johnny" asked his Mommy one day, "If Practice
makes Perfect & Nobody's Perfect but God, why Practice?"
"Little Johnny" wrote Letters to his Pastor:
Dear Pastor, My Daddy should be a Minister! Every day he gives me a sermon about something! "Little Johnny's"
2nd Letter to his Pastor: Dear Pastor, I think a lot more People would come to your Church if you moved it to Disneyland!
"Little Johnny's" last Letter to his Pastor: Dear Pastor, I liked your Sermon on Sunday, especially when it
was finished!
On the First Day of School, the Kindergarten Teacher told the
Children if they had to go to the Bathroom to hold up two fingers. "Little Johnny" asked, "How will that
help?"
"Little Johnny" was waiting in line at an Ice
Cream Stand & hanging on his little cousin's hand who kept yelling impatiently, "I want vanilla!" The
Ice Cream Stand was out of vanilla. "Little Johnny" handled the situation with all the skill of a Child Psychologist.
"Little Johnny" bought two strawberry cones & handed one to his little cousin, saying, "Here you are -
Pink Vanilla!"
"Little Johnny" found an insert in his parents Wedding
Memories Book that read: The Pastor asked in our ("Little Johnny's" Parents) Pre-Marriage Counseling, "Are
you entering this Marriage of Your own Free Will?" I ("Little Johnny's" Mommy) had to tell my husband-to-be
("Little Johnny's" Daddy) to put down "YES" you Dummy!" "Little Johnny" asked his
Mommy if it was true & she replied, "YES!"
"Little Johnny" was furious when his steak arrived
too rare. "Waiter," "Little Johnny" shouted, "Didn't you hear me say, "Well Done?"
"Oh, Thank-You" replied the Waiter. "I hardly ever get a Compliment!"
"Little Johnny's" Mommy was getting frustrated at "Little
Johnny" & said to him, "Every time you get in trouble, I get another gray hair!" "WOW",
said "Little Johnny" "You must have been holy terror as a Child because look at Grandma's hair!"
"Little Johnny's" Teacher asked him these questions about "Mothers"
--- 1. Why did God make Mothers? "Little Johnny" replied, "Because
she's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is, & mostly to clean the house & to help us out of there when
we were getting born." 2. How did God make
Mothers?
"Little Johnny" replied, "He" used dirt, just like the rest of us, & Magic plus Super Powers &
a lot of stirring, & God made my Mom just the same like "He" made me but "He" just use'd bigger parts.". 3. What ingredients are Mothers made of" "Little Johnny" replied, "God
makes Mothers out of clouds & angel hair & everything nice in the world & one dab of mean & "He"
had to get their start from Men's bones & then "He" mostly had to string them together." 4. Why did God give You your Mother & not some other Mother? "Little Johnny" replied,
"Because we're related & God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's Mother like me." 5. What kind of a little girl was Your Mother? "Little Johnny" replied, "My
Mother has always been My Mother & none of that other stuff & I don't know because I wasn't there, but My guess would
be pretty bossy, & they say she used to be nice."
6. What did Mothers need to know about Fathers before Mothers married them? "Little Johnny" replied, "His
last name, & she had to know his background, like is he a crook?, & does he get drunk on beer, & does he
make at least $800 a year?, & did he say NO to drugs & YES to chores?" 7. Why did Your Mother marry Your Father? "Little Johnny" replied, "My Father makes
the best spaghetti in the world & My Mother eats a lot & she got too old to do anything else with him, & My Grandma
says that My Mother didn't have her thinking cap on."
8. Who's the Boss at Your house?
"Little Johnny" replied, "My Mother doesn't want to be boss but she has to because My Father is such a goof
ball." 9. What's the Difference between
Mothers & Fathers?
"Little Johnny" replied, "Mothers work at work & at home & Fathers just go to work at work, & Mothers
know how to talk to Teachers without scaring them, & Fathers are taller & stronger but Mothers have all the Real Power
'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends, & Mothers have Magic 'cause they make you
feel better without medicine." 10. What does Your
Mother do in her spare time?
"Little Johnny" replied, "Mothers don't do spare time, to hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long." 11. What would it take to make Your Mother perfect? "Little Johnny" replied, "On
the Inside she's already perfect, & On the Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery, & maybe dye her hair." 12. If You could change one thing about Your Mother, what would it be? "Little Johnny" replied, "I
have 3 things, 1. She has the weird thing about me keeping my room clean, I'd get rid of that. 2. I'd make My Mother smarter
then she would know it was My Sister who did it not me. 3. Most importantly, I would get rid of those invisibloe eyes on the
back of her head!"
"Little Johnny's" Mommy looked out the Window & noticed "Little
Johnny" playing Church with their cat. "Little Johnny" had their cat sitting quietly & "Little Johnny"
was preaching to the cat. "Little Johnny's" Mommy smiled & went about her work. A while little "Little
Johnny's" Mommy heard loud meowing & hissing & ran back to the open window to see "Little Johnny baptizing
their cat in a tub of water. "Little Johnny's Mommy called out, "Little Johnny" stop that !!! Our
cat is afraid of water !!!" "Little Johnny" looked up at his Mommy & said, "Our cat should have
thought about that before he joined My Church !!!"
"Little Johnny" was getting ready to go to school. His Mommy was
worried about "Little Johnny" walking to school by himself because it was raining, thundering & lighting but
"Little Johnny" told his Mommy he would be just fine. So, out the door "Little Johnny" went off to school.
His Mommy watched "Little Johnny" go off to school when all the sudden she noticed "Little Johnny" stopping
everytime it was lightning. "Little Johnny's" Mommy got worried that "Little Johnny" was getting scared
of the lightning so she went to pick him up. "Little Johnny" told his Mommy not to worry, he was just fine. "Little
Johnny's" Mommy asked him, "Why he would stop everytime it was lightning?" "Little Johnny"
replied, "Because, I must look my best & smile because God keeps taking my picture!"
One day a little girl was sitting in "Little Johnny's" classroom.
The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked the little girl, "Do you see the tree outside?"
The little girl said "Yes" The teacher then asked the little girl, "Do you see the grass?" The little
girl said, "Yes" The teacher then asked the little girl to go outside & look up & see if you can see the
sky. The little girl said okay & returned a few minutes later & said, "Yes, I saw the sky." The teacher
then asked the little girl, "Did you see God up there?" The little girl answered, "No" The teacher said,
"That's my point. We can't see God because He isn't there. Possibly He just doesn't exist."
"Little Johnny" spoke up & wanted to ask the little girl some questions. The teacher agreed & "Little
Johnny" asked the little girl "Do you see the tree outside? "Yessssss!" said the little girl. "Little
Johnny" then asked the little girl, "Did you see the grass outside?" "Yessssss!" said the little
girl. Then "Little Johnny" asked the little girl, "Did you see the sky?" "Yessssss!" said the
little girl. Then "Little Johnny" asked the little girl, "Do you see the teacher?" The little girl quickly
answered, "Yes!" Then "Little Johnny" asked the little girl, "Do you see the teacher's brain?"
The little girl answered, "No!" "So," said "Little Johnny" according to what we were taught
today in school, "The teacher possibly may not even have a brain because we can't see it!" The Moral of this story is: "For We WalK By Faith, Not By Sight" --- II Corinthians
5:7
"Little Johnny's" Mommy asked "Little Johnny" what he wanted for his birthday. "Little
Johnny" replied, "I want a Baby Sister or Baby Brother!" "Oh My", said "Little Johnny's"
Mommy. "That's such a big request!" "Why do you want a Baby Sister or Baby Brother?" "Well"
said "Little Johnny", "It's getting harder to blame everything on the dog!"
"Little Johnny's" Grandma was baking a Coconut Pie.
When it was done, she put it in the window to cool. "Little Johnny" had a friend over to play named
Charlie. "Boy, the smells good" said "Little Johnny's" friend Charlie. Charlie wanted
to have the pie so when "Little Johnny" told him it was coconut pie, Charlie told "Little Johnny"
that coconut was really magets. "Little Johnny" would not have any of the pie. "Little Johnny's"
Grandma just couldn't understand why her Grandson, "Little Johnny" would not eat the pie so she gave it to Charlie's
Mommy to have for her family. Charlie got what he wanted & to this day, "Little Johnny" will not have
anything that has coconut in it! "Little Johnny's"
Mommy went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment & said to the clerk,
"I suppose you will want some identification." He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't
be necessary." "How come?" asked "Little Johnny's" Mommy. "Crooks don't
buy peat moss" answered the clerk. When Mary was pregnant, her 5 yeard, "Little
Johnny" was utterly amazed & a little bit disbelieving that his sister was growing in his Mommy's tummy.
One day when the baby was especially active, she asked "Little Johnny" to place his tiny hands on her tummy to feel
the baby kick. When "Little Johnny" did, the baby was suddenly still. "Oh, "Little Johnny",
she must have decided to take a nap." shrugged Mary. "A nap?" "Little Johnny" marveled.
"You mean there's a bed in there too?"
"Little Johnny's" Mommy called to make airline reservations
& was put on hold. After several minutes of taped music, a recorded voice came on: "If you have been waiting
longer than 10 minutes, you may press 8. This will not spend up your call but it will give you something to do while
you wait." "Little Johnny's" Mommy said, "This is what my 5 years old "Little Johnny"
would come up with!"
"After learning the Lamaze Method of Natural Childbirth, "Little
Johnny's" Daddy was admitted to the delivery room with his Mommy. It seems like an eternity before the Doctor
finally announce, "I've got the head now, just a few more minutes." "Little Johnny's" Daddy
was so excited that he asked the Doctor, "Is my "Little Johnny" going to have a little sister or a little
brother?" The Doctor replied, "I don't know, it's hard to tell by the ears."
"Little Johnny's" Teacher ask him a question, "What
do government Bonds & Christians (hopefully) have in common?" "Little Johnny" quickly answered, "Hopefully,
They both Mature !!!" "While leading a tour of Kindergarten Students through
a Hospital, a teacher overheard a conversation between "Little Johnny" & an x-ray technician. "Have
you ever broken a bone?" asked the x-ray technician to "Little Johnny" "Yes" said "Little
Johnny" "Did it hurt?" asked the x-ray technician. "No" said "Little Johnny"
"Really? Which bone did you break?" asked the x-ray technician. "My sister's arm" said "Little
Johnny"
"Little Johnny" was dressed in his Sunday Best & was running
as fast as he could trying not to be late for Sunday School. As he ran, he prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me
be late!" As he was running & praying, he tripped on a curb & fell, getting his clothes dirty & tearing a
hole in his pants. "Little Johnny" got up, brushed himself off & started running again. As "Little
Johnny" ran once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't make me be late! ... but don't shove me either!"
When "Little Johnny" asked his Grandma how old she was, she teasingly relpied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear,
Grandma," "Little Johnny" advised. "Mine says I'm four."
"Little Johnny" again asked his Grandma how old she was. Grandma answered, "39 and holding." "Little Johnny"
thought for a moment, and then said, "And how old would you be if you let go?"
"Little Johnny" came home from school and said to his mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied "Little Johnny" "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
"Little Johnny" sitting in church one Sunday with his father watched as the ushers passed around the offering plates.
When they came near his pew, "Little Johnny" said loudly, "Don't pay for me Daddy. I'm under five."
It was Palm Sunday and because of a sore throat, 5 year old "Little Johnny" stayed home from Church with a sitter. When
the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. "Little Johnny" asked what they were for.
"People held them over Jesus's head as He walked by." "Wouldn't you know it," "Little Johnny" fumed, "The
one Sunday I don't go, He showed up!"
"Little Johnny" was visiting his Grandma one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you & God are alike?" I
mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old", he replied.
"Little Johnny" couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie he had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under
the Sea". The scenes with the submarine & the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, his
father interupted & asked, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity "Little Johnny" replied, "Dad,
it was the 20,000 leaks!"
"Little Johnny" went on vacation with his Grandparents, & when they entered their vacation cabin, they had kept the
lights off until they were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed them in. Noticing
them before his Grandparents did, "Little Johnny" whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa". "The mosquitoes are after us with flashlights".
The Sunday School Teacher asked, "Now, "Little Johnny", tell me, do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," he replied,
"We don't have to. My Mom is a good cook!"
"Little Johnny" had just been to his new Sunday School class when his Mom & Dad asked him who his new Sunday School
Teacher's name was. "Little Johnny" replied, "I don't know her name but I think she must have been Jesus's Grandma!" "Why
do you think that?" asked his parents. "Well," he began, "the way she bragged & bragged so much about Jesus!, she just
had to be "His" Grandma!
On Easter Sunday morning as the Pastor was preaching the children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props & pulled
out an egg. He pointed at the egg & asked the children, "What's in here?" "I know!" "Little Johnny" exclaimed, "Pantyhose!"
"Little Johnny" was watching his Dad, a Pastor, write a sermon for the coming Sunday service, "Little Johnny" asked his
Dad, "How do you know what to say?" His Dad replied, "Why God tells me." Sharp "Little Johnny" responded, "Oh, then why do
you keep crossing things out?"
"Little Johnny" had been getting into a lot of mischief one day. His exasperated Mom finally asked him, "How do you expect
to get into Heaven?" "Little Johnny" thought it over & said, "Well, I'll just run in & out & keep slamming the
door until St. Peter says, "For Heaven's sake, "Little Johnny" come in or stay out!"
"Little Johnny" was overheard praying: "Lord, if You can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real
good time like I am!"
To help pass the time while traveling in the car, "Little Johnny" was practing his new reading skills by calling out
road signs. Just before they entered Quebec, he fell fast asleep. When he awoke, he saw the French highway signs & said
in a worried tone, "I think I forgot how to read while I was sleeping!"
A Sunday School class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The Teacher asked if
anyone could tell her what it is?" You know who - "Little Johnny" - raised his hand, stood tall & quoted, "Thou shall
not take the covers off the neighbor's wife.
One Sunday, when "Little Johnny" & his family were living in Minneapolis, he came home from Sunday School with a
big frown on his face. "I'm not going back there anymore!" he announced with finality. "I don't like the Bible they keep teaching
us!" "Why not?" asked his astonished Mother. "Because" said "Little Johnny" "that Bible is always talking about St. Paul and
it never once mentions Minneapolis!"
"Little Johnny" prays:
"Give us this day our deli bread!"
"Glory be to the Father & to the Son & the whole east coast!"
"Praise God from whom all blessings flow, Praise hill all creatures, here we go!"
Ain't "Little Johnny" cute? +++ Keep on a Smilin' for Jesus! +++
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