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CHRISTIAN ONE LINERS --- "Some People are Kind, Polite & Sweet-Spirited until You try to sit in their Pews" "Many Folks want to Serve God but Only as Advisors" "It is Easier to Preach 10 Sermons than It is to Live 1" "The Good Lord didn't Create Anything Without a Purpose but Mosquitoes come Close" "When You Get to Your Wit's End, You'll find God Lives There" "People are Funny; They Want the Front of the Bus, Middle of the Road & Back of the
Church" "Opportunity may Knock Once but
Temptation Bangs on the Front Door Forever"
"Quit Griping about Your Church; If it was Perfect, You Couldn't Belong" "If a Church wants a Better Pastor, It Only Needs to Pray for the One it has" "We're Called to be Witnesses not Lawyers or Judges" "God Himself doesn't Propose to Judge a Man until He is Dead - So Why Should You?" "Some Minds are like Concrete - Thoroughly Mixed Up & Permanently Set" "Peace Starts With a Smile" "Be Ye Fishers of Men - You Catch 'em - God Cleans 'em" "Stop, Drop & Roll Won't Work in Hell" "Coincidence is When God Chooses to Remain Anonymous" "Don't put a Question Mark where God put a Period" "Don't Wait for 6 Strong Men to Take You to Church" "Forbidden Fruits Create Many Jams" "God doesn't Call the Qualified - "He" Qualifies the Called" "God Grades on the Cross not the Curve" "God Loves Everyone But Probably Prefers "Fruits of the Spirit" Over "Religious
Nuts!" "God Promises a Safe Landing Not
a Calm Passage" "He who Angers You, Controls
You!" "If God is Your Co-Pilot - Swap
Seats!" "Prayer: Don't Give God Instructions
- Just Report for Duty!" "The Task Ahead
of Us is Never as Great as the Power Behind Us"
"The Will of God Never Takes You to Where the Grace of God Will Not Protect You" "We don't Change the Message - The Message Changes Us" "You Can Tell How Big a Person is By What it Takes to Discourage Him" "The Best Mathematical Equation I Have Ever Seen: 1 Cross + 3 Nails = 4 Given" "Life isn't about Waiting for the Storm to Pass - It's about Learning to Dance in the Rain" "Share God with Every One to Bless Them & Be Bless Too!" "There is No "Greater Treasure" than a "Good Friend" !!!
GOD SPEAKS BILLBOARDS -
Tell the kids I love them
- God
Let's meet at my House Sunday before the game
- God
C'mon over & bring the kids
- God
What part of "Thou shalt not --- didn't you understand?"
-
God
We need to talk
- God
Keep using My name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer
- God
Loved the Wedding, invite Me to the marriage
- God
That "Love thy neighbor" thing --- I meant it
- God
I love You & You & You & You & ---
- God
Will the road you're on get you to My place?
_ God
Follow Me - God
Big bang
theory, you've got to be kidding!
- God
My way is the
Highway
- God
Need directions?
- God
You think it's hot here?
- God
Have you read My #1 best seller? There will be a test
- God
Do you have any idea where you're going?
- God
Don't make me come down there
- God
WORDS
OF WISDOM -
"The Economy is Hard on Us All & the most Topic Discussed Today
(2009). The difference from being "Po" or "Poor" is: When You is "Po" & You open your Refridgerator
& You see only Your Reflection & You have to keep reminding Yourself that "God Beautifully made You" - You
is Po! --- When You is "Poor" & You open Your Refridgerator & You see Bologna, Eggs, Jelly, Butter &
Milk & say we have nothing to eat - You is Poor! --- Remember to Thank God for Everything even if You is Po
or You is Poor" "Live Your Life in such a way that when Your feet hit the floor in the
morning, Satan shudders & says, 'Oh crap! ... You're Awake!!!'"
"When God measures a man, He puts
tape around his heart instead of his head"
"No God - No Peace ... Know God - Know Peace"
"Joy comes from the Lord who lives within us not from what's happening around us"
"The
shortest distance between a problem & a solution is the distance between your knees & the floor in prayer"
"Look for a lesson on "Forgiving" one another in Matthew 6:14-15"
"Forgiving
those who hurt us is key to personal peace"
"Christ sends us out to bring others in"
"Keep the Faith but not to yourself"
"You may be sure your sin will find
you out" - Numbers 32:23
"One thing you can give & still keep is your Word"
"Blame yourself as you would blame others - Excuse others as you would excuse yourself"
""100
years from now it won't matter if you got that big break, took the trip to Europe or traded up to a Mercedes ... It will greatly
matter 100 years from now that you made a commitment to Jesus Christ"
"Everything in life
is temporary, so if things are good, enjoy it because it won't last forever, and if things are going bad, don't worry because
it won't last forever either"
"We make a living by what we get - We make a life by what we
give"
"Some study the exit of every penny, others study the entry of every dollar, the wise
do both"
"Keeping the main thing the main thing - "Jesus is Lord!"
"The first rule of digging holes: When you're in one, stop digging!'
"If the grass looks
greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill s higher"
"The goal of
Bible Study is not just learning but living"
"All scripture is God breathed & is useful
for teaching, rebuking, correction & training in righteousness so that the man of God may be throughly equipped for every
good work"
"Love is a Sacred Flower !!! In its early Bud is Happiness
!!! In its Full Bloom is Heaven !!!"
"Love is an Image of God & not a Lifeless Image but
the Living Essence of the Divine Nature that Beams full of all Goodness" "Have You ever known the Joy of Someone beliving in You, especially if the odds are against You?
"I Believe in You" maybe the sweetest, most loving words You could ever say to Someone who is Hurting & Feeling
like a failure, (especially if she/he really did mess up)" 1 Corinthians 13:7 (Love) believes all things "Be
a Witness for Jesus" "Be Active fo Jesus" "Time/Life is Short" "Love is the Greatest Thing that God can give Us & it is the Greatest thing We can give God" "Honesty is the First Chapter in the Book of Wisdom" "God will accept a broken heart but "He" must have all the pieces" "Christian Faith is a Grand Cathedral with Divinely Pictured Windows. Standing Without, You
can see No Glory but Standing Within every ray of Light reveals a Harmony of Unspeakable Splendors" "If Life seems Full of Struggle, It is also Full of Joy" "Trouble is Temporary
& Happiness is Eternal"
"The Stone was rolled away from the Door, not to
permit Christ to Come Out but to enable the Disciples to Go In"
"When we meditate on the word "Guidance", we keep seeing "Dance" at the end
of the word. Doing God's Will is a lot like dancing. When 2 people try to lead, "Nothing feels Right" - The Movement
doesn't "Flow" with the Music & Everything is quite Uncomfortable & Jerky! When one Person relaxes
& lets the Other lead, both bodies begin to "Flow" with the Music. One gives gentle clues. It's like as if 2
become 1 body, moving beautifully. The "Dance" takes Surrender, Willingness & Attentiveness from 1 Person &
gentle "Guidance" & skill from the Other. When we look at the beginning letter of "Guidance"
(G), we think of "God" followed by "U" & "I", - God, U & I Dance. As we bow our
heads & pray to God, we become willing to "Trust" & willing to let God "Lead" !!!" "One hour of Eternity, One Moment with the Lord, will make us utterly forget a Lifetime of Desolation" The Lord is My Shepherd - that's a Relationship! I shall not want - that's Supply! He
maketh me to lie down in Green Pastures - that's Rest! He
leadeth me beside the Still Waters - that's Refreshment! He
restoreth my Soul - that's Healing! He leadeth me in the
Paths of Righteouseness - that's Guidance! For His Name
Sake - that's Purpose! Yea, though I walk through the Valley
of the Shadow of Death - that's Testing! I will fear No
Evil - that's Protection! For Thou Art with Me - that's
Faithfulness! Thy Rod & Thy Staff they Comfort me -
that's Discipline! Thou preparest a Table before me in
the Presence of Mine Enemies - that's Hope! Thou Annointest
my Head with Oil - that's Consecration! My Cup runneth
Over - that's Abundance! Surely Goodness & Mercy shall
Follow me all the Days of my Life - that's Blessing! And I will dwell in the House of the Lord -that's Security! Forever - that's Eternity!
"Think of Nature as an unlimited "Broadcasting System"
through which God speaks to Us Every Hour if We only Tune into God" "There
is a Great difference between realizing --- "On the Cross "Jesus" died for Me" AND "On the Cross
I Am Crucified with Jesus" --- The One aspect brings us Deliverence from Sin's Condemation - The other from Sin's Power" "A Mother's Heart is a Child's Schoolroom" "Laminin
is Molecule Cells that Holds Our Bodies Together & the Most Exciting Best Part about "Laminin" that Holds Our
Bodies Together is that it forms a Cross"
"The Heart of Man is Restless until it finds its rest in Jesus" "Without God, Our Week would be: Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday &
Shatterday"
"Your Physical Appearance is not important, what really matters is
that YOU in "His" likeness & that "He" Loves YOU just as YOU are !!!" "Life will give YOU back everything YOU have given to it" "Grace
is but Glory begun & Glory is but Grace perfected" "Spirtual Gifts
as Given not for Competiton but for Cooperation" "Soon will come Eternal
Spring & Eternal Songs to sing loud our "Hallelujahs" Ring to our Savior, Lord & King!" "God doesn't call the qualified, "He" qualifies the Called"
"The Gospel doesn't explain the Resurrection - The Resurrection explains the Gospel" FAITH OF A MUSTARD SEED - "If You have faith as small as a Mustard Seed ... Nothing will be impossible for
You" Matthew 17:20 YOUR FAITH CAN MOVE MOUTAINS !!! "Greater
Love has No One than this, that He lay down His Life for His Friend" John 15:13
"Rejoice in the Lord always & again I say, Rejoice" Phillipians 4:4
"By "His" Stripes, You are Healed" "Be on Fire for Jesus" "Be God Restored" "Rock n' Roll for Jesus" "Be Totally Accepted
by Jesus" - "He" Loves You Just the Way You Are" "We are
God's Mess" "Be Freedom Thrill Obedient" "Be a God Led Giver" "Be Addicted to Jesus" "Have a Whole New Life in Christ" "Be Trusting
in God" "Experience God's Love" "Be a Grace Filled Shephard" "Be Solid in Christ" "Be Full-Time for Jesus" "Be Living & Breathing
for Jesus"
"Truth is the most powerful thing on earth because it is the only thing that cannot
be changed"
"A Bible falling apart belongs to a person who isn't"
YOU KNOW WHAT BIBLE STANDS FOR
...
B asic
I nstructions
B efore
L eaving
E arth
"Hugs are the Universal Medicine"
*** HUGGING ***
---helps the body's immune system -is easy to do -cures depression -is all natural & organic -reduces stress
-requires no special equipment -induces sleep -contains no artificial ingredients - is invigorating -is 100% wholesome -is
rejuvenating -has no moving parts to lose -has no unplesasant side effects -is nonfattening -acts like a miracle drug -needs
no batteries -uses little energy but has a high energy yield -is inflation proof -has no monthly payments -has no insurance
requirements -is theft proof -is non taxable -is non-polluting -is fully returnable---
"Our arms are the only ones God has to hug His children"
"I believe that you should always leave loved ones with loving words & hugs. It
maybe the last time you see them"
"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do & doesn't do it, sins"
"Knowing & not doing are equal to not knowing at all"
"What is esstential for evil to exist & continue is for good men to do nothing"
"Through wisdom a house is built & by understanding it is established"
"Wisdom or fear of the Lord is perfect foundation for every household that would
prosper materially & spiritually"
"You are the Seed that decides the Harvest around You"
"Appreciation is thanking - Recognition is seeing - Encouragement is bringing
Hope for the Future"
"A winner makes commitments - A loser makes promises & excuses"
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" Phillipians 4:13
"Heaven is a prepared place for prepared people"
"If ye love me, keep my commandments" John 14:15
"The true end of life is to know that life never ends"
"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord" Romans
6:25
"Deposit God's Word in your memory Bank & you will "Draw Interest for Life!"
"It is good to remember that the tea kettle although up to its neck in hot water continues to sing"
"Trouble one product in which the supply exceeds the demand"
"A smile is the lighting system of the face & the heating system of the heart"
"This is my commandment, that ye love one another, as I have loved you" John 15:13
"A smile is God's cosmetic"
"The greatest power in the world is the power of prayer"
"If my people, which by my name, shall humble themselves, & pray, & seek my face, & turn from
their wicked ways; then will I hear from Heaven, & will forgive their sin, & will heal their land" 2 Chronicles 7:14
"Don't pray to escape trouble - Don't pray to be comfortable in your emotions - Pray to do the Will of God in every situation
- Nothing else is worth praying for!"
"God doesn't want shares of your life, He wants controlling interest!"
"Those who think they don't need Church don't think much of the One who founded it ( Jesus )"
"...But as for me & my House, we will serve the Lord" Joshua 24:15
***THEY'LL NEVER TAKE MY JESUS***
They can take the Ten Commandments off the courthouse walls,
They can even take all the Manger Scenes out of the parks & malls,
They can take my blessed Bible & tear the pages all apart,
They can take away our right to Pray & throw us all in jail,
They can take away our liberty to preach God's Holy Word,
They can make it be against the law if we witness door to door,
They can stop our voice from preaching in the streets, even in the park,
They can take my life & bury me in a grave so cold & dark,
BUT they'll never take away the Life He gave me, they can't send my soul to Hell & they'll never ever never take
my Jesus out of my Heart ! ! !
"No matter how much you nurse a grudge, it won't get better"
"You should never doubt in the dark what God has told you in the Light"
"You wouldn't be so shocked at your sin if you didn't have such a high opinion of yourself"
"And let the peace of God rule in your heart,... Colossians 3:15
"Gospel begins with GO"
"When the Devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future!"
THE DEVIL'S BEATITUDES:
Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians
in Church - they are my best workers!
Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked & expect to be thanked - I can use them!
Blessed are the touchy, with bit of luck they stop going to Church - they are my missionaries!
Blessed are those who are very religious but get on everyone's nerves - they are mine forever!
Blessed are the troublemakers - they shall be called my children!
Blessed are those who have no time to pray & go to Church - they are easy prey for me!
Blessed are the gossipers - they are my secret agents!
Blessed are those critical of Church Leadership - for they shall inherit a place with me in my fate!
Blessed are the complainers - I'm all ears for them!
Blessed are you when you read this & think it is about other people & not yourself - I've got you!
"God wants full custody of you, not just weekend visits"
"Christ believed is Salvation received"
"For the Word of God is quick, & powerful, & sharper than any two-edged sword,"...Hebrews 4:12
"Only one road leads to Heaven"
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should
not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16
TAKE TIME TO:
PRAY - it's a source
of power
READ - it's a fountain
of wisdom
PLAY - it's
a secret of youth
BE FRIENDLY - it's a path to happiness
LAUGH - it's the music of
the soul
DREAM - it's a road to greater vision
LOVE - it's Godlike
"If you value Eternity, make good use of time"
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people"
HERE ARE A FEW CLUES THAT WILL TELL YOU
YOUR CHURCH NOW HAS CORPORATE SPONSORS:
*Taco Bell's talking dog now reading announcements.
*Bulletin has coupon section.
*Offering envelopes bearing VISA or MasterCard emblems on them.
*There is a credit card swiper on the collection plate.
*Communion now sponsored by Welch's Grape Juice.
"Miracles & Wonders are the ordinary stuff of God's day"
WHAT MY BIBLE MEANS TO ME:
*When I'm tired, my Bible is my Bed, *When I'm in the dark, my Bible is my Light.
*When I'm hungry, my Bible is my Bread, *When I'm fearful, my Bible is my Armour.
*When I'm sick, my Bible is my Healing Medicine, *When I'm lonely, my Bible is my Friend.
*When I work, my Bible is my Tool, *When I play, my Bible is my Harp of Happy Sound.
*When I'm ignorant, my Bible is my School, *When I'm sinking, my Bible is my Solid Ground.
*When I'm cold, my Bible is my Fire.
*Should I be lost, my Bible is my Guide, *Should I be naked, my Bible is my Raiment.
*Should I be imprisoned, my Bible is Ranges Wide, *Should I be tempest-tossed, my Bible is a Shelter from the Storm.
*Should I adventure, my Bible is a Gallant Sea, *Should I rest, my Bible is a flowerly lea.
***You see, My Bible is My Wings, I so boldly aspire ! ! !***
"Luck is chance: Chance is based on merits. God will grant luck to you, if you by chance, believe in Him"
"No one ever had a rainbow without a little rain"
"Kind word can be short & easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless"
"That "Love thy Neighbor" thing - I meant it! --- GOD"
"Greater Love hath no man this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" John 15:13
"Life is like a coin, you may spend it anyway you choose BUT remember the decisions/choices you make today can effect
Life for Eternity"
"Mind polluted? Get led free with Jesus"
"You can't see success in front of you by looking back at failure"
"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen"
"...The things which are impossible with men are possible with God" Luke 18:27
"Truth is the most powerful thing on earth because it is the only thing that cannot be changed"
"Never be confused - Satan is the Enemy"
"The largest room in the World is the room for Self-Improvement"
"Being Grandparents is God's reward for growing old"
"Just when a Mother thinks her work is done, she becomes a Grandmother"
"Nothing is as strong as Gentleness"
"Government is the Law - Politics is how to get around the Law/Government"
"The ability to Follow is the first qualification for Leadership"
"One plus God is a Majority"
"Happy
is the HouseWife who sees the Rainbows, not the dishes in the Soapsuds"
"To know lasting Happiness, we
must get to know Jesus"
"It's better to work in Harmony than in Competition toward the same people"
"If you don't believe in Cooperation, look at what happens when a car loses one of its wheels"
"You cannot sink someone else's end of the Boat & still keep your own afloat"
"God has
no problems, only plans"
"God is depenable in all His words & works"
"People
may doubt what you say, but they believe what you do"
"Choose a goal for which you are willing to exchange
a piece of your life"
"Our ideals are too often like an antique chair - Nice to talk about & show
off, but too fragile to use"
"The surest way to drive out the darkness is to bring in the light"
"God can make all things new, even you"
"A day hemmed in prayer is less likely to unravel"
"People judge you by your actions, not your intentions - You may have a heart of gold-but so does a hard-boiled
egg"
"Learn to enjoy little things, there are so many of them"
"No matter
what your lot in life, build something on it"
"You can't build your reputation on what you're
GOING to do"
1 Cross The whole Gospel + 3 Nails >
simply stated:
------------ Jesus died for: = 4 Given
You & Me "What kind
of Church would my Church be if all of its members were just like me?" "Trust God's authority, not man's majority" "Nothing is accidental with God" "remember,
the difference between a boss & a leader: a boss says "GO!" - a leader says "LET'S GO!" In HAPPY moments, PRAISE God In DIFFICULT moments, SEEK God In QUIET moments, WORSHIP God In PAINFUL moments, TRUST God In EVERY moment, THANK God "Giving thanks always for all things unto God & the Father in the name of our Lord
Jesus Christ" Ephesians 5:20
"Happiness
is the result of circumstances, but joy endures in spite of circumstances"
"When one door of happiness
closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door we do not see the one that has been opened for us"
"One hundred years from now it won't matter if you got the big break, took the trip to Europe, or finally
traded up to a Mercedes...It will greatly matter, one hundred years from now, that you made a commitment to Jesus"
"The generous person always has more than enough, the greed person never has enough"
"A
Day without Jesus is a Day wasted"
"You Can give without loving but you cannot love without giving" "Your life maybe the only Bible some folks read" "God
never consults your past to determine your future" "To know Life's
purpose, You must know Life's Creator" "No matter where you go, God
goes with you!" "When you know Christ, you want others to know Him too" "God has left us in the World to witness to the World" "Get
your Soul in tune with God before the concert of the day begins" "Live
as through Christ died yesterday, rose from the grave today & is coming back tomorrow" "Take time for Jesus, He took time for you" "God so loved
the world that He did not send a Committee" "Before we can serve the "Bread
of Life" to others, we must feast on it ourselves" "Live each day
like it is your last ... someday it will be!" "Religion may inform &
reform but only Christ can transform" "Christianity is not a Religion but
a Relationship" "The Gospels don't explain the Resurrection, the Resurrection
explains the Gospel" "Easter --- the rest of the Christmas story" "A well-trained memory is one that permits you to forget everything that isn't worth remembering" "Worry not who you are but Whose you are" "Everyday
is payday in labors of love"
"God determines who walks into your life --- it's up to YOU to
decide who YOU let walk away, who YOU let stay & who YOU refuse to let go" "Greater
Love has No One than this, That He lay down His Life for His Friend" --- John 15:13 "Temper,
if ungoverned, governs the whole man" "Count to 10 when You're Angry
before Speaking & Most Importantly --- PRAY !!!" "Salvation is
the Greatest Gift that God has given to Mankind (YOU)" "Jesus said, "Truly,
Truly, I say to You, unless One is Born Anew, he cannot see the Kingdom of God" --- John 3:3 "When Life is too tough to Stand --- KNEEL !!!"
...more to come soon...
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